


White Satin

by kerilewallen



Category: The Moody Blues (Band)
Genre: Band Fic, F/M, Musicians, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 14:20:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2391515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kerilewallen/pseuds/kerilewallen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written in 1993, this is the story of a new female musician joining what is known as the "Moody Family" - the band's backup singers, extra musicians, and so on. Immediately sparks fly between Jillian and Justin, who is haunted by the past and vows to never fall in love again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One Summer 1993

He sat up straight in bed, sweat pouring off of his nude body as he shuddered, clutching at his arms. The echoes of the screeching tires, the screams, the crunch of metal reverberated through his brain. 

_Bloody hell._

Slowly he turned, his hands automatically seeking the pillow next to his. _Nobody. There was nothing but cold fabric. Well, what in the hell had he expected?_ he thought bitterly. It was his fault. As Graeme was so fond of telling him, his loneliness wouldn’t end until he himself decided to end it. 

_Hell, maybe he didn’t really want it to. Maybe instead of seeking to relieve loneliness he should just seek out a piece of ass._ He barked a short laugh as he stretched back out on the bed. _Now, that was one bloody wonderful idea,_ he thought sardonically. 

Abruptly he rose from the bed and padded over to the window, pushing aside the curtain to look out over the city below. _Another tour, another city,_ he thought tiredly. _Which one? Oh, yeah… Philadelphia. The concert was with the Philadelphia fans. Nice crowd,_ he thought, remembering the previous year and how good the fans had been then. Maybe one of them could conjure up a keyboard player by the next evening. 

And, hadn’t that been wonderful, to lose Bias Boshell and leave Paul Bliss as the lone keyboardist? Paul was talented, but he just wasn’t enough for what they wanted on this tour. Justin swore softly as he let his forehead rest on his clenched fist. The word had been put out and hopefully the search would end. Soon. 

The knock on his door made him turn abruptly and stare across the room. _Who in the hell was there at that hour?_ he thought irritably as he reached for his robe and threw it on, yanking it together as he strode across the room and opened the door that led out to the suite. 

“Justin.” _The tour manager looked nervous enough,_ Justin thought sourly. Wouldn’t know why, unless it was due to dragging the Moody Blues most temperamental band member out of bed. 

“Yeah.” _The others were up,_ he thought, taking in the sight of Graeme, shirtless, sprawled across the recliner, beer in hand. Ray was sagged over in an easy chair, digging tiredly at his eyes, his features lined with exhaustion. John was stretched out across the sofa, eyes closed. Justin looked back at Tom then noticed for the first time that Tom wasn’t alone. Slowly the person that was with him came around Tom to stand alongside him, her expression cool and defiant. _Her? A woman? What the hell?_

“Justin, as I was telling the others, this is your new keyboardist, Jillian Matthews.” 

Vaguely her name registered in the back of his brain as his mind glazed over. _Damn, but she was… oh, hell, she was sexy._ He took in the tousled head of dark hair streaked with flamboyant highlights, the softly upturned lips that were at that moment in a half-smile, and those eyes! They were gray and large, but not cold. The kind of eyes that made him want to get lost in a sea of rolling gray and never find his way out. She was around forty, he guessed, from the few strands of gray in her hair, the very faint lines around her eyes. 

He realized that her eyes were looking down, then up, then down again, a slow flush spreading across her cheeks. _His robe,_ he realized. _Oh, hell, he hadn’t fastened it, not that she seemed to mind._ Her grin slanted slightly before she brought her gaze up to his, her expression frank with enjoyment. 

Abruptly he fastened his robe, ignoring the chuckles from his band mates as he reached with his free hand. “Justin Hayward,” he muttered as she accepted the handshake. _Oh, Christ, now he was really lost,_ he thought desperately. Her palm was smooth and firm, callused fingertips from playing, long eloquent fingers of a keyboardist. Slowly his eyes drifted over her body, taking in her soft, full curves, the way she filled out the soft frilly oversized blouse she was wearing, neckline open to reveal a tantalizing amount of cleavage. He brought his eyes back up to her face and caught the way her cheeks were flushed, whether with arousal or embarrassment he couldn’t be sure. He hoped for the former. 

“Yes, I know.” Jillian let the handshake linger for a fraction of a second then pulled back gently. “I hope we didn’t wake you up, Mr. Hayward,” she added softly. He shook his head abruptly and moved past her into the living room. _Even her voice sent a thrill through him,_ he thought as he accepted a beer from Graeme and sprawled his long, slender body across an easy chair, making sure that his robe covered the necessities. Well, it didn’t cover his legs, but she didn’t seem to mind that, either, from the occasional look she was giving him. 

“Miss Matthews?” Tom indicated the one vacant chair left then moved to stand behind it as she seated herself. She drew her knees up and arranged the paisley skirt she was wearing, her leather boots kicking out beneath her hem, the skirt flowing easily around her. _All frills and feminine lace,_ Justin thought, his eyes narrowing. _Wonder how many frills she wore beneath? Maybe she wore lace-trimmed panties, perhaps a silk bra and a teddy._

“Well, I for one am relieved to see you, Jillian.” John let one eye open to give her a friendly look as he added, “Sorry we’re not livelier. It’s been one bloody lousy day.” 

“Watch your language around the lady,” Graeme admonished, running his hands through his shaggy gray hair. Jillian chuckled softly, making Justin wish he’d had more than a robe on. If he got any more aroused he’d be hard, and that lilt of a laugh didn’t help any. 

“I’ve heard plenty of swearing in my day,” she replied, giving Graeme a warm look. “There were two of us girls and four brothers. I learned to hold my own.” 

Justin let the others converse while he took her in, drinking in her soft laugh, her easy manner and the enjoyable way she chatted, as though she didn’t have a care in the world. Somewhere along the line he’d gotten hard anyway, letting his hand drape across his lap to conceal that fact, and wishing instead he could set HER across his lap so she could feel that fact. _Yeah,_ he thought, _lift up that paisley skirt, get rid of the undies and have her ride him…_

“Uh, Justin?” 

He blinked and looked over at Ray, who, along with everyone else, was giving him a puzzled look. He shrugged and took a swig of the beer. 

“Well, think she’ll work?” Ray continued, lifting one brow at him. 

“Why not?” _Had to at least pretend to be nonchalant,_ he thought, forcing himself not to look at her. “I don’t exactly see anyone else coming along in the next few hours, do you?” 

“I’ll take that for what it is,” Jillian said pleasantly, the pucker between her brows revealing... something. _Annoyance, probably,_ Justin thought, not letting himself smile at her. _Couldn’t._ He watched her as she rose to her feet. “If this is official now, I hope you guys don’t mind if I go catch some sack time,” she continued. “I want to rehearse tomorrow and I’ll be lousy as hell without some sleep.” 

Justin didn’t let himself look in her direction as she left, instead finishing off his beer as he got to his feet. _He needed the sack time himself,_ he decided tiredly as he went back into his bedroom, ignoring his friends as they stared after him. _Probably thought he’d been rude as hell,_ he thought. _He had been. So what?_

_He couldn’t afford to fall in love,_ he thought as he stretched his naked body across the sheets and let the night air cool down the fire in his body. _God, what he would give to have her on top of him right then, riding them both into pleasure,_ he thought hungrily. _Obsessed. He was obsessed already, dammit to hell._

“No.” The word came out anguished as he turned to his stomach and pounded his pillow into a concave crater. He’d known love once. It had been the best thing that had ever happened to him. He shuddered as the nightmare came back, the screeching brakes, the metal scraping on asphalt... 

_Damn, he was hot for her. And damn, but he wouldn’t let himself have her._ Justin swore again and turned restlessly. _So much for having a good night’s sleep before a concert,_ he thought balefully as he flung himself to his back, anticipating the long night ahead. 

* * *

Jillian sagged onto the edge of her bed and let out a sigh of relief. Finally, the job she’d been hoping for since she could remember. Trouble was, she couldn’t gauge how well her welcome had went. 

_Oh, they’d been friendly enough,_ she thought, recalling the relaxed chat with the band members. She had certainly enjoyed the conversation, delighting in all those British accents flying across the room, the bantering way they teased at each other, like brothers. 

_As for Justin…_ Her eyes glazed over. He was tall, very slender, somewhere in his mid-forties. Graying blonde hair, with the darkest blue eyes she had ever seen. Cobalt in tone, those eyes told volumes. _Damn, but he was sexier than hell._ His open robe had revealed that he had no problem in the equipment department, either. She’d gotten a good look at him, and what she’d seen had made her inner thighs quiver with the thought of being spread beneath him as he drove into her. A nice tan had covered his body, down to where he’d worn some very tiny briefs to sunbathe in. Dark blonde and gray hair dusted his chest, whorling around his nipples and trailing in a nice arrow down below his navel to… Her nipples hardened and she moaned, feeling everything below the waist tighten with anticipation. 

_It had been obvious from his attitude that he hadn’t returned the desire,_ she thought, her heart sinking at the idea. Probably just as well. They’d be touring together for the next several months and there wasn’t room in her life for a fling with the lead singer of the band she would be working with. Pity. There was something under those good looks-something dark and sad and dangerous. Lonely. The man was incredibly lonely. Lost in a crowd, just like she was. 

_No. No time for that now._ Jillian hastily yanked off her clothing and threw on a nightshirt, then flung herself across the bed. Hopefully she’d get some sleep sometime before the night was out. 

Her last thoughts before drifting off to sleep were of silvery blonde hair and cobalt eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The arena was a vast outdoor venue, with a section for seating and a lawn section behind that. Jillian stood at the center of the stage and gazed out, grateful for the present emptiness. Behind her she heard the road crew quickly setting up for rehearsal. One or two runs through most of the songs-and that was all she was getting. _Thank God nobody would be able to hear THAT,_ she thought as she walked over to the bank of keyboards that was hers. 

The roadie in charge of her equipment had been marvelous about relocating everything to her specifications, thank goodness. She set the stack of sheet music on top of the electric piano then sank onto the stool provided for her. _As though she’d be sitting for any length of time,_ she thought with amusement. 

Tentatively she reached for the sheet on top, the first song of the set. All through breakfast and in the limo out to the arena she’d studied each sheet, humming out what she hoped would be a good accompaniment, her fingers playing an imaginary keyboard across her leggings. Now, she had the real thing in front of her. Cautiously she opened the sheet to the first page. Fortunately, it was a song she was well acquainted with. 

“Tuesday afternoon... I’m just beginning to see, now I’m on my way. It doesn’t matter to me, chasing the clouds away,” she sang softly as she ran her fingers over the keyboard. The tune came easily to her and she smiled, her voice rising slightly at the bridge. “I’m looking at myself, reflections of my mind. It’s just the kind of day to leave myself behind. So gently swaying through the fairyland of love. If you’ll just come with me and see the beauty of… Tuesday afternoon.” 

“Hey, not bad at all, love.” 

Graeme stood over her, having listened for several minutes, enjoying the pure resonant tone of her voice. She blushed furiously and his smile widened as he dragged up another stool and seated himself next to her. “Run though that again, and we’ll see what we can work up,” he added gently. _Had to get her ready to go in a few hours,_ he thought, watching her fingers glide over the keyboards. 

As she played the sound of a bass guitar began to accompany her. John had moved to her other side, nodding in time with her. She returned the nod, barely aware of Graeme getting up and going over to the drums. The beat began to move rhythmically through her and she found herself smiling and swaying. _Perfect. It was going to work._ She heard the sound of a tambourine and vocals and realized that Ray had arrived, as well. 

As the song ended she looked up to see Justin, acoustic guitar in hand, his look unreadable as he sat on the stool that Graeme had vacated. He indicated the sheet music with a flip of his hand and she blinked at him. _Damn, but he was gorgeous,_ she thought, taking in his long, lanky figure, his blonde hair, still slightly damp from a shower, snug tee shirt, even snugger jeans. He took a swig of coffee and yawned. 

“If you don’t mind, Miss Matthews,” he murmured, going through a few chords on the guitar. 

“Jillian, please,” she replied softly. He flashed a brief grin at her and she repressed a sigh. _The man needed to do that more often,_ she decided as he started the opening bars of “Tuesday Afternoon,” nodding as the band joined right in, Jillian right in time with them. He began to sing and she forced herself not to gasp aloud. _Oh, God, was he good,_ she thought, thinking of all the times she’d heard the song on the radio, but never in person. She had never heard it only three feet away from her. 

They went through the entire set, going back over the songs that required extra keyboard work. Occasionally she allowed herself to sneak in a little vocal back up, getting pleased looks from band members. _Keep it low key,_ she reminded herself as she sang, delighting in the fact that she was nearly the exact pitch as John, who had the highest, sweetest singing voice she had ever heard. 

When it came to “Nights In White Satin,” though, she nearly faltered. _Such a beautiful song,_ she thought, moving from her stool so she could put more emotion into her playing. She sensed Justin standing next to her, felt those words wash over her… “Nights in white satin, never reaching the end, letters I’ve written never meaning to send. Beauty I’ve always missed with these eyes before. Just what the truth is I can’t say anymore. But I love you…” She blinked back tears and joined John in the backup, shutting her eyes as for one sweet moment she and Justin hit perfect harmony. 

When it ended there was dead silence. Jillian kept her eyes closed, not daring to look for reaction. _She’d gotten carried away,_ she thought mournfully. _Thank God it was a rehearsal._

The next sound astounded her. Applause. Her eyes flew open to see the band members standing in front of her, clapping and smiling at her. All except for Justin, who was giving her a look that, in her flustered state, she couldn’t read. 

“Very nice, Jill.” Graeme reached for her hand, brought it to his lips and gave her a peck that made her smile. “Very, very nice. I think you’re going to fit in just fine.” 

“Thank you,” she breathed, longing to give the big, silver-haired man a hug. She gave into the impulse and he chuckled, giving her a squeeze in return. “You don’t know how much that means to me,” she added as he gave her comforting pat on the back and released her. John was next, his embrace equally friendly. Whereas Graeme’s hug was fatherly, John’s felt like that of a big brother. _Well, she could use a big brother on this tour,_ she thought, returning the squeeze. Next was shy Ray, who, instead of hugging her, grasped her hands in his and squeezed gently. 

“Welcome to the Moody Blues, Jillian,” he said, his smile gentle as he leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers. _She was a kindred spirit,_ he decided. _Perfect for Justin, if he’d let himself realize that._ “May your journey with us be light and may you always have the wind at your back.” 

As Ray walked away she turned, then froze. Justin had left. _Oh, how sweet._ An annoyed frown registered on her features as she strode across the stage, catching a glimpse of him as he walked down behind the risers and towards the trucks. 

“Justin.” 

He paused for a second then continued to walk, slightly faster that time. _Oh, no you don’t,_ she thought grimly as she ran to catch up with him. Whatever the hell was bugging him was something that was going to be hashed out. Right then, before her first concert. 

“Justin.” She grabbed his arm and he whirled, stopping in his tracks, his eyes blazing with fury. 

“What do you want?” he snarled, that dangerous undercurrent bubbling to the surface. She could feel it. He was on the verge of going straight off of the deep end. No matter. 

“I want to thank you for the warm welcome,” she replied, letting sarcasm tinge her voice. “Thanks to you I truly feel at home with the band.” 

For a long moment they glared at each other, gray eyes blazing into cobalt fire. Justin made a low sound in his throat, then seized her arm roughly, turned, and began walking to where the trailers were at behind the truck. She gasped with astonishment at the iron grip he had, too stunned to fight him as he yanked open the door to one of the trailers and pulled her inside, slamming the door and locking it behind them. 

“Warm welcome? I’ll show you a warm welcome.” Jillian’s heart slammed into her chest as he yanked her hard against him, her breasts flattening against his chest. _Oh, my,_ she thought giddily, reaching up to push him away. His hands grasped hers, guiding her arms around him. 

“That’s not what you want to do. This,” he slid one of her hands down to his behind, coaxing her to cup him, “this is what you want to do. Admit it.” 

“Y-yes.” _Why didn’t he kiss her?_ she thought wildly, her eyes dropping to his lips. 

“I’ll bet you’re waiting for me to kiss you.” _Mind reader,_ she thought, a flush creeping up her cheeks as she nodded. “I’m afraid once I get a taste of you I won’t want to stop,” he admitted gruffly. 

“Why let that stop you?” Jillian leaned up and pressed her mouth to his. Immediately they drew in sharp breaths then began hungrily eating at each other’s mouths. His tongue sought hers, firm and velvety as he stroked the inside of her mouth, his hands coming to rest on her behind. 

“Christ!” He lifted his head briefly. _No. It was agony to stop._ His mouth slammed down on hers again as he stepped back, found the sofa and sank into it, taking her with him. Her tongue was doing sweet things to his, making him crazy inside. _Out of control._ The longer he kissed her the more he wanted. It just wasn’t enough. 

_Her neck. What did that taste like?_ He let his mouth slide down to her throat, his hands clenching into her hair, tugging her head back as he nibbled and licked at her tender skin. _No love bites today,_ he thought with dark amusement. Or at least he would leave none where it showed. He felt her heartbeat hammer at her pulse point as he licked her neck. _He wanted to devour her. Everywhere._

“Oh, Justin,” she whispered, squirming against him, tugging at his tee shirt. He growled softly and let her yank it up, giving her access to his bare chest. A cry escaped her as he pulled hers up and off, leaving her in the silky bra he’d imagined she wore. Full and lush, just like he’d dreamed of all night. They came together and moaned, running hands over each other. His hands closed over her breasts and she cried out. 

_Damn, she felt good against him. So long since he’d let a woman make him feel like this._ He shuddered and buried his face into her neck, longing to soak her essence into him. He wanted to get her naked beneath him in the worst way. Spread thighs, soft body, slick and wet around him as he filled her. He muttered as much and she moaned wildly, her hips starting to twist. 

Slowly he pushed her back onto the cushions and came down between her thighs, letting her take his weight as his mouth slanted across hers. _Still hungry. It still wasn’t enough._ Her hands slid tenderly over him, caressing the muscles in his back, over his shoulders, threading into his silky blonde hair, over his face. She let her fingertips trace his features, feeling him shudder as she did so. Her hands moved down his chest, where she found his nipples as they beaded under her fingertips. He lifted his head to gaze at her for a moment, his eyes heavy-lidded. 

“You feel good,” she said softly, caressing his ribs, then down and around his back. His hand trembled as he reached up to lightly touch her cheek. The raging want was abating, replaced with tenderness. 

“I can’t…” _Dammit, why did she have to make him feel? He’d only known her for a few hours, and already he was in turmoil. He couldn’t love again. It hurt too much._

“Can’t what?” She leaned up to press her mouth into his neck and he sighed, feeling his throat tighten at the sweetness of her touch. 

“Hurts too much,” he said raggedly, gently disentangling himself and pushing his body upright. Blindly he reached for his shirt, trying not to look at her and failing. That stunned look she was giving him increased the agony that was tearing him apart. _Damn, but she was beautiful._

“Justin, I don’t understand,” Jillian finally murmured, dashing tears from her eyes as she sat up and grabbed her shirt. 

“You don’t have to.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “I let myself get out of control and I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have. Won’t happen again.” 

“No…” 

He ignored the plea in her tone as he added, “If you’re uncomfortable about staying with the band, I’ll understand.” 

“I’d like to stay, if you don’t mind,” was her quiet reply. He nodded tersely as he stepped out of the trailer and shut the door. Immediately she let herself sag back onto the sofa, tears sliding down her cheeks. _No way was he getting rid of her that easily,_ she thought unhappily. _What had happened? And why in God’s name did he not let himself feel? Before this tour was over she’d find out,_ she thought grimly as she pulled her tee shirt back on and rose to her feet. 

_Ahead of her lay the night and her debut as part of the Moody Blues,_ she thought as she went into the trailer bathroom to repair her face and hair.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The thrum of excitement penetrated the arena. Jillian clutched her arms together, longing to control the butterflies that were nibbling at her stomach. _She’d skipped supper, thank God,_ she thought, taking a sip of ice water. She had vomited too many times before a show and had learned that, for her anyway, it was best to skip eating. _Stage fright. In her twenty years in the business it had never left._

Nervously she turned to the mirror hung on a post to peruse her appearance one last time. The sight that greeted her was that of a rock musician. She didn’t look like the thirty-nine-year-old woman who had applied a lot of makeup to the crow’s feet around her eyes not 30 minutes previous. She grinned. In one way the extra pounds she carried were to her advantage in that they helped to keep the wrinkles away. 

She was attired in spandex leggings, black leather bustier, with a soft linen blazer over all. High heeled spikes and her hair all teased out into a windblown style enhanced the look, along with big funky earrings and a pendant necklace that hit her right at her cleavage. Her smile widened. _Had to draw attention to her best assets,_ she thought as she giggled and blew herself a kiss. 

“Yeah, love, you look that good.” Graeme was chuckling. He’d enjoyed her preening immensely, but even better was the blush that was now crossing her features. She looked like a little kid who had been caught stealing cookies from a jar. _Had Justin seen her yet?_ He doubted it, as there was no sign of a glassy-eyed-with-lust guitar player around. _The outfit Jillian was wearing would definitely bring that condition on in Justin._ Graeme grinned at the thought. 

“Jillian…” 

Justin drew in a sharp breath, his eyes sliding up and down her, taking in the flush that was spreading from her cleavage to her hairline. _No, best not to look THERE,_ he thought frantically. “You look good,” he said lamely, watching her hands fiddle with the hem of her blazer. 

“So do you.” He did. Justin was fond of the romantic poets shirts with high button collars and frills. This evening was no different. The shirt he wore was white, sashed at the neckline, tight black slacks. _The man was absolutely gorgeous._

“Thanks.” _How would he be able to keep his eyes off her tonight?_ he thought wildly, his eyes dropping to her cleavage again. _If she leaned forward just a bit he might be able to see… He wouldn’t,_ he thought grimly. _He was going to spend the entire night aroused, and, if he wasn’t careful, hard. Well, hell. Might as well roll with it,_ he thought glumly. 

The concert was going well. Jillian was overwhelmed by the warmth and friendliness of the fans, the way they greeted her when she was introduced. _Nice people,_ she thought as she smiled at the crowd, winked at the men flirtatiously and posed for the occasional flash of a smuggled-in camera. Things were going well on the stage, as well. _From what she could tell, she meshed with the band,_ she thought with relief. She pushed back her stool and stood so she could dance and play at the same time. 

Justin was wonderful. All that shy personality seemed to vanish in front of the crowd as he danced across the stage, guitar in hand, playing up to the women and having the time of his life. Something loosened inside of Jillian as she watched him, her heart swelling inside. Whatever pain was going on inside of him seemed to be left behind the second he hit the stage. 

During “Nights In White Satin” Jillian felt the crowd go hush as the music swelled over them. She tried not to think about the lyrics she was backing up. _Impossible._ Her eyes filled with tears as the song sank into her soul. _Was she falling in love with him?_ she thought as her feelings came into the backup vocals. _She didn’t know if she could stand it._

As the orchestra took over she sank onto the stool and hung her head, grateful for the dimmed lights and the focus on the orchestra. Someone pushed a glass of water at her. She looked up to see Justin gazing at her somberly. 

“All right?” he asked quietly. She gave him a lame shrug and took a sip of water. 

“I’m sorry,” she muttered huskily, feeling the orchestra swell behind her. _Time to get herself together,_ she thought. 

“Don’t be.” She shuddered as his fingertips lightly grazed her cheek. He turned and walked back to the center of the stage just as the stage lights went back up. _How was this ever going to work?_ she thought miserably. It was going to be the longest tour she’d ever experienced. 

* * *

That was what she got for accessing a computer at the hotel. 

Jillian laughed softly with delight at the array of notes that flashed before her with each stroke of a button. It had been a long time since she’d found the time to use her modem and access the world of computerized communication, and then it had been to be with musicians instead of the fans themselves. 

“Jillian,” the note to her read, “we’ve absolutely got to hear Justin sing ‘Deep’ live.” The enamored woman went on to describe the sexual and sensual aspects of the song, all punctuated with her zany sense of humor. _Marvelous people, these fans were._ At Neal’s encouragement she had logged back onto the service again and went for a ride through the Moody online fandom. She hadn’t regretted it for one moment. 

The replies were even wilder. She chuckled softly and began printing them out onto the hotel printer. _She personally hadn’t heard the song, but if the fans really wanted it, why not?_ She posted a brief reply stating she couldn’t promise anything, but she’d see what would happen. _Nice, wonderful people._ They had welcomed her into their computer bulletin board community with open arms, no gushing or silliness, just relaxed and friendly. 

Grinning, she stripped the feeds off of the printer paper and arranged the note and replies, then gave a nod to the hotel manager and walked out of his office. Now she had to find Justin and see what he thought. 

_Hah._ If she could get two words out of him. Ever since that first concert he had said very little to her, as though the thought of talking with her would be more painful than he could stand. _Thank God that hadn’t shown on stage._ It was as if the only way Justin would let himself be free was through his music. On stage he was relaxed, even friendly with her. _Pity he wouldn’t let that attitude carry over into off-stage,_ she thought glumly. 

She entered the main suite that they were occupying at the hotel. Justin and John were the ones there, as Ray and Graeme had left for the arena an hour before. Justin was strumming absently on an acoustic guitar and John was lazily watching a baseball game on the big screen TV, a beer propped on his chest. He waved a cheery greeting to her while Justin barely looked up. 

“Have a request from some fans,” Jillian said quietly, shoving the printouts at Justin. He stared at the stack for a moment then gave her a quizzical look before taking them and reading the top note. A wry expression crossed his features and he looked up at her. 

“Didn’t know you hung out with the online fans,” he commented, a slight smile playing on his features as he thought of the group of fans that were online together on computer services. He’d read a lot of their notes over the past couple of years, some mailed to him, some passed on by Neal or Bias, some by Tom Hulett’s office, some by Ivy. All had become friends, helping each other through crisis, sharing laughter and sorrow, talking about the music, the band members, whatever struck their fancy. Quite a few were women, many of whom had a healthy-sized lust for one band member or another. He bit the inside of his mouth to stop himself from grinning at the risqué notes that had landed in his lap a few times. Now, those same women wanted that song sung in concert. _The one he’d written for… no._

“I don’t think so,” he finally said. The song was too personal and too intimate. Jillian blinked at him and he smiled wryly. _Well, hell, she didn’t know,_ he thought, suddenly wishing that she did. 

“What is it?” John extended his hand for the printouts. At the first one he began to chuckle. “Oh, these guys. You have to love ‘em for their determination, Justin. We ought to do it, you know.” 

“Justin, please,” Jillian added softly. He looked up at her and she repressed a gasp. Desire was burning in the cobalt blue of his eyes. 

“You haven’t heard it, have you?” he murmured, one brow lifting when she flushed and shook her head. “Guess you need to hear it.” He looked at John and tersely indicated his head to the door as he picked up his guitar. John blinked at him, then grinned. 

“I’ll be in my room if anybody needs me,” he said cheerfully. _They didn’t his company at the moment,_ he thought as he went into his bedroom and shut the door behind him. 

Justin waved her over to the sofa and brought his stool to sit across from her. Jillian spread her skirt nervously, forcing herself to meet his gaze as he began strumming, the rhythm intense, like lovemaking. She shivered. 

“Every time I hear the sound of the rain beating on my roof again,  
I want to taste your love and I want to go deep  
Deep, I want to go deep, deep, I want to go deep  


Every time I lift my eyes to the sky something in my heart asks why  
I want to know the truth and I want to go deep  
Deep, I want to go deep.”  


Jillian felt the words wash over her, felt her soul slip into the cobalt desire in his eyes as he sang. Her nipples drew and a warm rush sprang from her inner thighs. _He didn’t have to even touch her to get her aroused,_ she thought dazedly. He had the power to make love to her with his music. 

“Like the footprints disappearing from the sand  
I try to catch the thought it slips right through my hand  
And as the darkness throws its cloak upon the ground  
I start to run to you I want to take you down  
And I want to go deep  
Deep, I want to go deep, deep, I want to go deep  


Every time I feel I’m losing my way the power of your love remains  
I want to touch your love and I want to go deep  


Deep, I want to go deep, deep, I want to go deep, yeeaaaahhhh...” 

_Oh, my._ Jillian started to rise to her feet, only to have his hand come down on her shoulder as he set his guitar aside with the other. His lips were slanted into that dangerous smile that she was all-too well acquainted with. He wanted her. That hadn’t changed at all. 

“You’re not going anywhere. Not yet, anyway.” He leaned forward and brought his lips to within a breath of hers. She moaned as he gently brushed his lips across her mouth then settled his mouth across hers for a long, intense kiss that left her tingling. A moan full of longing escaped her when he lifted his head and pulled back. 

“I’m going to do the song,” he muttered, watching with satisfaction the way her eyes glazed over with want. “And, while all those women in the audience will wish it was for them, we’ll know who it’s for. Won’t we, Jillian? We’ll know it’s for long rainy nights and going very, very deep.” 

His knuckles raked down her cheek and for a moment Jillian saw… something. She could see something there besides lust. _No. He didn’t love her. Impossible._ Silently she watched him as he rose to his feet and began packing the guitar into its case. 

“I guess I’d better get to the arena and begin rehearsing it,” she said huskily. He nodded, his expression taut. 

“Yeah, you do that. Tell Graeme and Ray what we’re doing. No orchestra. Oh, and Jillian,” he added as she opened her bedroom door. She paused and turned to gaze at him as he continued, “Just don’t forget what that song is really for.” 

“I won’t.”


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Everything inside of Justin shook as the stage lights dimmed and left the stage in a rosy glow. _Jillian. He would focus on Jillian. She was going to be the reason he sung this song. She wasn’t the reason he wrote it, but was now his reason for singing it._ The realization hit him and he repressed a gasp as he began strumming out the opening chords, the band following in a low, sexy thrum. Some feminine gasps went up through the crowd and he found himself smiling. _Well, they could think it was for them, but it was for Jillian._

He shuddered then let his voice come out in a low, sexy growl that made a few screams go up as he sang. Slowly he slinked across the stage where Jillian was playing out the sensuous rhythm on the keyboards. _Her song,_ he thought savagely as he made it a point to catch her eye. 

Jillian felt everything go into a wild swirl as Justin leaned forward to share her microphone, his gaze sinking into her. _Deep. God, yes, she’d love for him to go deep. Real deep. Were his hips thrusting as he played the guitar? Definitely._ The reaction from the women in the crowd just added to the raw sensuality of the song. 

What neither noticed was the band members reaction, the way that John was playing up to the women who adored him, the way that Ray had suddenly went all dark and dreamy, or how Graeme let the sensuous rhythm carry him away at the drums. The two didn’t notice any of that. They were too busy being lost in each other. 

Justin let his guitar howl off into the final chords then finished, bent back, his eyes shut to the crowd. There was one small perfect silence, then a wild smash of applause that made his eyes fly open. He stared out as the masses before him then began to smile, bowing slightly at the standing ovation. 

Jillian made her way through the backstage bustle, pausing to sign an occasional autograph as she looked through the crowd for Justin. _Not there. Not anywhere to be seen._ It was as though he’d vanished off of the face of the earth the second the concert had ended. She ground her teeth in frustration. After all that had happened onstage, the urge to be with him was more than she could stand. 

A touch on her elbow made her turn. _Not Justin,_ she thought with frustration. One of the stagehands was standing there. He handed her an envelope with a shrug, then retreated as she opened it. The handwriting was firm, masculine, Justin’s. 

“Onstage you will find a clue to our wildest dreams.” 

No signature. She blinked at the note, then started to smile as she made her way back out to the now-darkened stage, where the roadies were already tearing things down. Her keyboard was miraculously untouched and she laughed with soft delight at the envelope, accompanied by a single rose that lay on her electric piano. She opened the envelope and removed the note inside, along with a set of car keys. 

“Out in the country you will find a place where we can both be free.” 

Below that was a description of the car and where it was parked. Oh, goodness, she thought, her hands starting to shake. What to do? She whirled and nearly ran smack into John, who was giving her a gentle smile. Obviously, he knew all. 

“John, I need to get to the hotel, get my things… I…” He shook his head and gently grasped her by the shoulders to steer her off the stage. 

“Jillian, just follow your heart,” he said softly. “Don’t worry about anything else.” As she turned to stare at him he added, “Go. Trust me.” 

Breathlessly she made her way across the parking deck to the waiting car. A nice, white convertible sports car, the top already down. She giggled softly and got into the driver’s seat, taking care not to sit on the note and the second rose that lay there. This note was terse, as though Justin had gotten increasingly nervous with each one. All that was there were directions for her to follow. 

She hoped she could concentrate enough to drive. As the ignition switch came on the soft waft of music floated over her. It was  Moving Mountains, one of his solo albums. As she exited the parking deck she turned up the volume, letting his marvelous voice sink into her soul. 

She left the city behind her as the minutes went by, her heart pounding louder and louder. The soft rolling land of lower Wisconsin swept by her with each mile. _Getting closer,_ she thought, _nearer to him. Wrong album._ She giggled at the thought as she finally found the turn off. 

The blacktop road opened to a moonlit valley and she sighed. Moonlight washed over a beautiful, placid lake and lit up the pines that surrounded it. Halfway up the valley she could make out a group of buildings. _Looked as good of a place to start as any,_ she thought as she pulled up in front of the one that was lit up the most. 

It was a resort hotel. She laughed softly with delight and almost skipped up the front steps, wondering if the manager would be up at that hour. _Of course he was,_ she thought, barely restraining giggles at the sight of the older gentleman, fully awake and extremely courteous. He gave her a warm smile, acting as though he expected her. _No doubt that he was,_ she thought, returning the smile as she quickly signed the register, then let him lead her back outside and down the sidewalk. He looked as though he was dying to say something, but obviously had been told to keep silent. 

At the farthest cabin he knocked, then stepped back and offered Jillian a warm smile. “Have a good evening, Miss Matthews,” he murmured softly. “If you or Mr. Hayward need anything, feel free to let me know.” 

“Thank you.” Hesitantly she tried the door and found that it was unlocked. Her heart slammed into her chest as she stepped through the door and shut it behind her. 

The soft glow of a hurricane lamp lit the room before her. For a moment she leaned against the door, taking in the warm, rustic surroundings, the lit fireplace, the comfortable furniture arranged around the hearth, the small corner kitchenette. An open door led lead to the bedroom, where a small lamp gave off a glow. 

Justin was leaning against a far window where he had obviously been looking out, waiting for her. Breathlessly she let her eyes slide over him, noticing the way he’d unbuttoned the chambray shirt he was wearing, leaving it tucked in to snug jeans, the way that one hand rested on a hip. Her eyes slid up and she cried out softly. 

“Oh.” 

The burning intensity in his eyes stole her breath. Her breasts began to swell and a rush of dampness sprung from her inner thighs. His gaze was smoldering, raw, and sensuous. She couldn’t look away from him. 

“I, uh…” 

“Hi, Jill,” he murmured softly, never taking his eyes from hers. “Have any trouble getting here?” 

“Oh, no.” Slowly she stepped in, grateful that, for the moment, he was across the room. With the look he was giving her, she needed a moment to catch her bearings. _Where? A shower. She’d just come off of the stage and she needed a shower._

“I need to clean up.” Her voice came out in a breathless rasp. 

He offered her a slow, sexy smile and she nearly moaned aloud. “Shower is in the bathroom off of the bedroom. I’ve already used it.” 

_Would her legs carry her that far?_ Nervously she swept into the bedroom, noticing that her bags were along one wall. All of her things were there, just like John had said they would be. A pink gift box lay across the bed and she hesitated for one brief moment before lifting it and opening. A soft cry escaped her lips when she saw the contents. With trembling hands she lifted the white satin teddy, fingering the soft lace that edged the bodice and leg openings. _There was only one reason to wear something this delectable,_ she thought, her head swimming. 

“I bought that not long after we met.” 

Justin was leaning against the door jam, eyeing her heatedly as he added, “I’ve always wondered what you would look like in a white satin bit of nothing. Wear it for me, Jill.” 

_Wonder how long he’d leave her in it?_ she thought giddily as she gave him a nod and hurried into the bathroom, teddy in hand as she shut the door behind her. She hoped he’d give her a moment alone. She needed it. Badly. 

If she’d had a stopwatch she probably could have set a record for the shortest shower on record. She giggled as she toweled off, applied cologne to her wrists and cleavage, then slipped on the teddy and perused herself in the mirror. Gone was the musician, replaced with the soft, sensuous woman who looked back at her in the mirror. Dreamily she picked up her hairbrush and began brushing and fluffing her hair into full waves, shivering as her nipples tightened against the fabric. She was already aroused and in need. 

Aside from the glow of the fireplace there was no light at all in the living room. She moved nervously around the sofa to find Justin reclined on the floor, his body supported by several large cushions as he lay propped on one elbow, gazing into the fire. _He wanted to make love there? she thought,_ her heart racing at the idea. As she moved forward he looked up and gave her another smile that took her breath away, reaching up to grasp her hand and draw her down to him. 

Jillian let out a sigh as he bore her back onto the cushions, her arms winding around him. His mouth brushed over hers and she moaned, then whimpered when he settled his lips across hers for a long, eating kiss that left her shaken. 

“You’re beautiful,” he muttered, running his fingers along the lace trim of her teddy, tracing the delicate skin of her cleavage and making her moan softly. “Just like I dreamed you would look. All soft and sexy for me.” He reached down to cup one breast and she moaned, arching into his palm. The nipple hardened immediately and his gaze went heavy-lidded with desire. Slowly, achingly he toyed with the swollen tip, making crazy heat shimmer in her loins. His mouth descended onto hers again at the precise moment that his long fingers slipped beneath the bodice of the teddy to caress the silky skin beneath his fingertips. His tongue flicked across hers even as he caught one hardened nipple between his thumb and forefinger and began rolling it, making her hips undulate against his. 

Her hands sought him, sliding under his shirt, finding his chest and the firmness of his pectoral muscles. His breath came out in a gusty sigh when her fingertips flicked over his nipples, making him grow unbearably hard, _as if that was possible,_ he thought wildly. _Damn, but she felt good,_ he thought, enjoying the feel of her soft, delicate skin, the fullness of her breasts, and her sweet hands on him. She tugged up on the tails of his shirt and he assisted her, letting her slide the shirt down his arms and off. He let one hand slide up her thigh then slowly up under the teddy and over her behind, cupping the rounded cheeks, rubbing her in circular motions and enjoying the way her hips began to undulate. Slowly he brought his hand to her front, grazing the soft curls that grew at the juncture of her thighs. 

_Oh, damn, she was soft._ He slid his fingertips down, parting her, feeling her tremble as he moved along her. _Not only soft, but wet, as well._ He licked a hot trail down her neck, flicking his tongue over her pulse point, catching at her skin with his teeth. She whimpered, her hands clenching at him as he nuzzled the lace trim at her cleavage, pushing it aside for his seeking mouth. His hand caught at one strap and slid it down her shoulders, then the other, bringing the teddy down to her waist. She was beautiful, he thought wildly, lowering his head to capture one dusky red nipple into his mouth. Immediately her thighs lifted around him as her hands clenched into his hair, making him groan. 

“Oh, Justin,” she breathed, her breath catching when he licked a hot circle around the beaded tip before sucking it deep into his mouth. A husky groan came from him and his hips began to work against hers. He still had his jeans on, she thought. That had to change, and soon. She let her fingertips feather down his chest, pausing along the way to toy with his chest hair, caress his navel. She dipped one finger beneath his waistband and he groaned, the groan deepening when her fingertip lightly grazed him. 

“Christ, you’re setting me on fire,” he muttered, growling when her hands feathered down over his crotch to cup him through his jeans. He held his breath as she slowly worked the zipper down then let it out with relief as she slid his jeans and briefs down over his hips. He kicked them off, then reached for her teddy and began sliding it down over her hips, freeing her from the garment. Her hands found him again and he moaned, thrusting into her palms as she stroked him lightly. 

“Very nice,” she murmured, taking in the way his eyes shut as she loved him with her hands. _She did love him,_ she realized, biting back the urge to tell him, instead leaning up to press her mouth into his neck. He groaned as she licked her way down his neck, her mouth seeking his nipples. She moved back and forth between them, sucking, nipping, all the while her hands stroking him. 

“Darlin’, keep that up and I’ll explode,” he groaned out, feeling his control slip a notch. “Wanted you for so long that I’m just barely holding back now… oh, God, you’re good…” With an abrupt move he pulled back, a wicked smile on his face. “Oh, no, not that way. In you. Real deep in you.” 

He moved to lie between her thighs, pausing to tease and thrust at her, so close to being inside her. She moaned wildly and clutched at him, groaning as he continued to hold back for one long sweet moment. With one smooth stroke he slid into her, making them both cry out at the same time. _The sensation was too much._ Justin groaned and bent his head to hers again, his mouth slanting across hers with a long hungry kiss as he resisted moving his hips. She whimpered, trying to thrust at him and getting his hands on her hips to restrain her instead. 

“Wait, love. Let’s experience each other first. For just one moment.” _If he could,_ he thought desperately, his entire body quaking with restraint as they lay shuddering together. Her nails dug into his buttocks and he gasped out a chuckle, rubbing his torso over hers. “Stop being so impatient,” he teased, groaning when she tightened around him. 

“Impatient… you’re such a tease, Justin… oh…” That first sweet thrust had been perfection. She sighed as he let his body rest on hers, everything so tight and so intimate. _She loved him so much._ She buried her face into his neck and clung to him, feeling tears gather at the corners of her eyes. He shuddered, then pulled back and filled her again, then again. _Oh, yes,_ she thought, thrusting with him. 

He leaned up on his hands and began to stroke, filling her to the brink each time. He groaned wildly, feeling desire pool heavily in his loins. _No, had to wait for her,_ he thought, pausing to rotate his hips. _Wanted to watch her come, feel her come all over him._ She cried out softly, digging her nails into his behind, her hips moving with his. _That was what he wanted,_ he thought, feeling her arch into him. He laughed softly with triumph and increased his movements, enjoying the sight of her beneath him, her head twisting back and forth as she neared her peak. 

“Justin!” Spasms overwhelmed her and she began to convulse against him, tears streaming down her cheeks. He muttered a few graphic words about how hot she was, his hands gliding over her as she slowly came back to earth. 

"Your turn,” she whispered shakily, noticing how taut he was. He shook his head and began to thrust again. 

“One more time, darlin’. I know you can.” 

“Justin…” 

She did, a strangled cry coming from her, her thighs clenching around his waist. As her honeyed warmth tightened around him he lost restraint. _Couldn’t hold back. Just couldn’t._ Everything tilted inside of him as the desire that he’d held back burst forth. 

A husky cry came from him as he filled her completely, his hips jerking with hot, delightful release. He sank against her, letting her take his weight as he lay nestled inside of her. _He didn’t want to leave,_ he realized dazedly, feeling his body tremble with what had just transpired between them. He felt her hands pass over his sweat-slicked back, tracing him tenderly as they both came back to earth. 

Slowly he lifted his head to gaze into her eyes, finding her slumberous with want, with satisfaction. Their lips met again, just as hungry, and he realized he was going to be hard again. Not there, though. Next time he wanted to be in bed, where they could play and explore and really learn each other. 

"Come on, darlin’,” he said huskily as he rose to his heels and took her with him. “Let’s get in a more comfortable location.” 

“Oh, yes,” she replied breathily as he rose to his feet and extended a hand to her, his expression wicked. _How she loved him!_ she thought as they moved into the bedroom and tumbled onto the bed together for a nightlong session of lovemaking.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Slowly Jillian blinked one eye open, then the other, her hand seeking the pillow next to her. Empty. She blinked and turned to find herself alone. A banging sound came from the kitchen and she grinned. _So that’s what he was doing,_ she thought. Refueling or the next round, probably. 

Her eyes closed for a moment and she shivered. That had been the wildest night she’d ever had in her life. They’d finish, doze, and be on each other again, kissing and exploring and licking and touching… to the point to where each hot kiss had brought the taste of each other. Even a shower hadn’t helped to cool them off. Justin had simply lifted her over his hips and given it to her against the shower wall, each stroke sending her into bliss as the water cascaded over them. 

_Damn! How was she supposed to think when she was in that state?_ She grinned. She wasn’t supposed to think. Just feel. 

Slowly she rose from the bed and reached for her robe, tossing it on and tying it as she walked into the living room. Justin was in the kitchenette at one end, bending over the counter and whistling softly. He’d tossed on jeans, and from the looks of things he’d skipped the underwear. She laughed softly, causing him to look up and cock a grin at her. 

“Well, I thought you might be hungry,” he offered by way of explanation, his British accent more droll than usual. “So, I had the landlord bring us up a few groceries. Didn’t think either of us felt like leaving for a meal.” 

“You thought right.” Jillian sat at the buffet and watched him dish up breakfast and set it before her-English muffins, fresh fruit, orange juice, and herbal tea. 

“Hope you don’t mind breakfast,” he murmured as he sat next to her. “I have to watch what I eat. Heart trouble runs in my family.” 

“Oh, this is just fine,” she replied, sighing when he reached over to squeeze her upper thigh between bites. _Oh my. She was getting aroused again._ Jillian repressed a smile as she ate. 

As he washed dishes she let her eyes slide up and down the long lanky length of him. _Tall, incredibly lean, nice ass,_ she thought, her eyes drifting back to his behind over and over. _Good enough to eat._ Slowly she got up from the buffet and moved to stand behind him, winding her arms around his waist. 

“Hi, darlin’,” he said softly, sighing when she dropped a soft kiss in the center of his back. Her hands slid up to coil through his chest hair and her fingers teased at his nipples. He moaned, his hands gripping at the plate he was washing. 

“Just try and keep working,” she said teasingly. A hiss escaped his lips when her hands glided down to caress his crotch boldly, causing him to harden beneath her fingertips. Oh, Christ. He yanked at the drain and shakily reached for the dishtowel. Dishes could wait. She lowered his zipper, then his jeans, her hands still rubbing then stroking him as his manhood was freed from the confines of his jeans. He felt her slide down, felt a hot, nibbly kiss on his behind, her teeth catching at him. He groaned, his hands white-knuckling the counter, as he wondered vaguely how long he would be able to stand if she kept that up. 

Slowly she nibbled and licked her way to his front and dropped hot teasing kisses along the hard, velvety length of him, pausing occasionally to swipe her tongue across him. He groaned, his hands tangling in her hair as he whispered a graphic plea to her while she continued to tease at him. She gave him one last flick of her tongue before standing up, kissing him all the way back up to his mouth. She grasped his hand and led him across the living room to the cushions in front of the fireplace, coaxing him to lie down so she could rise above him. He complied, shuddering as she knelt next to him and began running her hands over his lean, hard body. 

“You are so beautiful,” she whispered, caressing his thighs, trailing her fingers over the hair that grew on his thighs and calves. She lowered her mouth to his for a long, heated kiss, feeling him tremble as she slid her tongue along his. He groaned, his arms coming to rest around her, his hands sliding restlessly up and down her spine. She gently pushed back and discarded her robe, then moved to sit astride his lap, watching the way his eyes darkened with want. 

She dropped a soft, biting kiss on his neck and he moaned, a shudder going through him as she traced her tongue across him, down his chest to one flattened nipple. His breath caught as she nuzzled his chest hair and flicked her tongue over the beaded disk she found partially concealed there. She closed her mouth around it for a long, sucking kiss that made him go weak. 

“Oh, that feels good,” he sighed as she moved to the other nipple, her teeth catching at him, then her tongue soothing where she nipped at him. Her hand slid down his abdomen and she threaded her fingers through the mat of hair she found there, caressing and teasing. His hips began to shift restlessly and he wildly wondered how much more he could stand. 

He felt a wet, biting kiss at his navel, then lower to give him one nibble on each flank. _Oh, Christ._ He threw his head back and groaned aloud, tunneling his fingers into her hair. Not only her mouth, but also her hands were everywhere. Her kiss grew more intimate as she took him into her mouth and he felt himself disintegrating into no control. He cried out her name and surrendered to the need to release. 

His hands reached for her and pulled her to him, lifting her up and across his shoulders. _Her cry of delight as his tongue found her was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard,_ he thought, feeling himself harden again as he probed her deftly with his tongue. _Oh, damn, she tasted good,_ he thought, laughing softly when she whimpered above him, her hips twisting with each stroke he gave her. Slowly he slid a finger into her and she cried out, begging and pleading with him as he brought her closer to the edge of ecstasy. 

“Come, Jill.” 

She did, tears streaming down her face as he caught the sweetness of her with his mouth. As she sagged he lifted her across his lap and slid into her, his eyes glittering at her as she began to rise and fall helplessly. For a long moment they gazed at each other, and suddenly her eyes filled with tears. 

“I love you, Justin,” she whispered, reaching down to caress his cheek. His eyes widened, burning into hers as he began to thrust into her, his hands clenching at her hips. _Why didn’t he answer?_ she thought frantically, that thought swept away by the sweetness of another orgasm as it clutched at her. He was right behind her, catching her to him as he cried out and found his release in her sweet warmth. 

For a long moment they lay intertwined, struggling to catch their breath. Finally, Justin lifted her off of him, got to his feet and swept her into his arms to carry her into the bedroom, his gaze locked with hers as he lowered her to the bed and sank into her, bringing them both to the sweet edge of ecstasy again. 

* * *

A horrible cry yanked Jillian out of a blissful sleep and she sat straight up in bed, reaching out with her hands to find Justin upright, his body shuddering, a cold sweat slicking his body, hands flailing. She quickly grasped those hands and felt him wrench away from her, shooting her a cold stare before recognition came into those blazing eyes. 

“Justin!” 

He shook his head and turned his head away from her, but not before she caught the flash of tears sliding down his cheeks. Hesitantly she reached up to touch them and he yanked back, shooting her a black look that pierced her soul and made her withdraw, a helpless feeling overwhelming her as she watched him get out of bed and go into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and shutting her out. 

_Dear God._ Jillian stretched back out onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling, wishing that the pounding in her chest would stop so she could think clearly. _What had happened?_ she thought wildly, repressing tears. _What had she done to bring on that black mood?_ The silence coming from the bathroom began to gnaw on her and she was tempted to get up and check on him. _No, best to leave him alone when he was like that,_ she decided, remembering the cold stare he’d given her when she had attempted to comfort him. 

After what seemed like an eternity he emerged from the bathroom and stretched out next to her, stiff and unyielding. Jillian shivered and drew the covers over her body, suddenly wishing she had a gown or something on. _Cold. She felt absolutely cold._ Through the darkness she sensed that he was lying awake, staring at the ceiling as he struggled with whatever it was that ate at him. _If only he’d let her help,_ she thought, lying awake for a long while before a fitful sleep eventually took her. 

In the morning, even before she opened her eyes she knew he was gone. 

* * *

John watched Jillian as she wandered aimlessly around the suite, pretending to straighten up but in reality doing very little. In the days since she and Justin had returned the atmosphere between them had carried a silence that was chilling. John had been astonished when Jus had come in on one flight, with Jillian’s a few hours later. _Something had gone wrong,_ he thought grimly, noting her pallor, the taut way she answered when spoken to. The beautiful harmonies she had provided on the stage were now absent. She sang no more. 

_Justin was not the best person to be around, either,_ John thought with annoyance. He’d been tight-lipped, his temper going around the bend, snapping at roadies for the least thing. What was worse was that Justin had ceased to act as though Jillian even existed. 

Well, the first leg of the tour was nearly done and they were taking August off. _Thank God._ From the looks of things there were a lot of vacations needed by everyone all the way around, especially Jillian. 

A vase crashed to the floor and John looked up to see Jillian frantically kneeling next to it, reaching for the waste can with one hand and the shards with the other. _Uh, uh,_ he thought, moving swiftly to stop her. She wrenched away and gave him a look of pain that shot straight to his heart. 

“John, please,” she whispered. He shook his head and stood up, taking her with him as he did so. At first she resisted, then went along passively as he led her out to the balcony and coaxed her to sit on the lounge, settling himself next to her. She sat and stared out over the city for a long moment, her haunted gaze piercing his heart. 

“Jillian, I…” 

“I love him.” Her voice came out in a rasp and for a second John saw the corners of her mouth tremble with restraint. He let his arm rest around her shoulders and laid his head against hers, gazing out with her. _Let her take her time,_ he thought, pressing his lips against the top of her head. 

“Does Justin know?” he finally asked, feeling a faint tremble go through her. 

“Yeah. I told him. Nothing in return.” Her voice sounded dull with pain. “John, that weekend was so beautiful. We shared so much together and I thought… and then this wall came crashing down.” She suddenly stood up and went to the balcony rail, her hands gripping it tightly. “He’s closed himself off from me. I could stand rejection, but not knowing what went wrong is even worse.” Her shoulders started to shake and John moved to stand beside her, drawing her gently to him and cradling her in his arms. 

“I can’t stand being around him another second,” she continued between sobs. “Every day gets worse… working with him is impossible. If I have to face that wall one more time I’ll go out of my mind! I can’t stand it!” The last was an anguished cry that made John’s throat tighten. 

“Some men don’t know a good thing when they have it right under their noses,” he muttered, his grip tightening on her. “Some of us are fools when it comes to love.” The last finished on a bitter tone that made her swing her head up to stare at him, her pain forgotten as she saw his for the very first time. _So alone,_ she thought, reaching up to cup his cheek in her hands. 

“What happened?” she asked softly. He just shrugged and slanted a wry grin at her, dropping another kiss on the top of her head. 

“Don’t worry about it, love,” he replied, giving her a comfortable hug. “Right now worry about yourself. One week left on the tour.” Immediately his mind began to race as he mapped out the remaining days in his head. _Paul could probably handle the rest of the tour,_ he decided. If not, they’d land themselves another session musician to fill in. 

“What about the one week?” _He was right,_ she thought frantically. If she had to go against that for another day she’d go out of her mind with agony. “What are you saying, John?” 

“I’m saying that perhaps you ought to take off now.” 

* * *

Justin sat on the edge of the stage, gazing out at the empty seats that stretched out before him. _A few more days then he could rest,_ he thought dully, raking his fingers through his hair. He glanced back to where the roadies were setting up the stage, blinking when he noticed that they seemed to have messed-up on Jillian’s rig. _She never worked like that,_ he thought, wondering if he should get up and say something, or let her tackle it. 

John walked out and stretched against the sun before moving to sit next to his friend. Justin ignored him for a long moment, letting the breeze wash over him as he continued to gaze out at the empty arena. 

“They’re setting Jillian’s rig up wrong.” 

John glanced over at Justin, then back out at the arena. 

“No, they’re not.” 

“Hell they aren’t. I know for a fact that she wants the Yamaha on the left.” 

“Justin, they’re not setting it up wrong.” 

“Why not?” Justin turned to give his friend a hard look and got silence instead of an answer. “Why not, dammit!” 

“She’s gone.” 

Justin felt cold horror wash through him and he dug his hands into the edge of the stage. “Say that again?” 

“She’s left the tour.” 

Justin swiftly got to his feet and began nervously pacing across the stage, his mind racing frantically. _Gone! Couldn’t be,_ he thought. _She had another week with them. She had another week with HIM, dammit!_ He let out a frustrated snarl, self-loathing overwhelming him as he walked to the edge of the stage and stared out, unseeing. _It wasn’t as though he’d given her cause to hang around,_ he thought bitterly, feeling tears slide down his cheeks. 

“Justin.” John was standing next to him and Justin felt the warm, steady pressure of his friend’s hand on his shoulders. “I’m sorry. She couldn’t stand being around any more,” Justin made a low moan of despair in his throat, “and we both felt it was best that she leave.” 

“You both felt it best?” Justin whirled to glare at him. “Are you saying you HELPED her leave? Damn you, Lodge, for butting in where you aren’t wanted!” 

“Listen, you son-of-a-bitch.” John seized his friend by the collar and gave him a rough shake. “Staying here was tearing her apart. Dammit, it wasn’t fair to ask her to stay around when the man she loved didn’t want her, or wouldn’t even speak to her.” Justin’s expression went black with rage and he drew back his fist as their eyes locked, neither man wavering as they both glared at each other. John tensed inside, waiting for the blow to land and wondering dimly how he’d look onstage with a black eye, before Justin slowly lowered his arm and turned away from him. 

“Forgive me,” Justin said quietly, feeling pain overtake him again. “You’re right, you know. I have no right to expect her to stay around when I never gave her a good reason to.” He hesitated, then added, “She told you that she loved me, didn’t she?” When John nodded he continued, “When she said that to me my first reaction was joy. How often does that come along, John? I’ve only known one great love in my life and that was taken away from me. Marie…” 

“Marie’s been gone for several years.” As Justin started to speak John lifted his hand to cut him off. “No, let me finish. There comes a point when it’s time to move on with your life. You’ve long passed that point and it’s destroying you. I’ve watched my best friend turn from a content loving man into someone whose bitterness has made him someone I don’t even know. Do you realize what you’re doing to yourself? My God, even your own daughter doesn’t know you anymore.” 

“Doremi…” 

“Doremi is worried sick about you, yet you’ve never taken the time to notice. John paused for a second, then decided to go for broke, “Marie wouldn’t want this from you. She’d want you to pick up and get on with your life. All those years, Justin. I think that’s plenty long, don’t you?” 

There was a long silence between the two friends as they gazed at each other, one with pain written all over his features, the other steady, determined. 

“Right now, out there is a woman who would be more than happy to help you start fresh, if you would just give her the chance,” John finally said. “Think about it.” 

With that, John spun on his boot heels and walked away, leaving the other man alone in the center of an empty stage. 

* * *

“Daddy!” 

The young woman flew into Justin’s arms and he let out a huge, happy sigh, burying his face into her hair. _Damn, but it had been so long since he’d seen his daughter,_ he thought, holding her tightly to him. _And, damn, but he needed her. Now, more than ever since Jillian had left the tour._

“Doremi, how are you doing?” he asked, hugging her so hard that she laughed with delight, reaching up to give him a breathless kiss on the cheek. 

“I’m doing fine.” Suddenly she paused to look real hard at him, a frown crossing her features. “Daddy, you look terrible! What happened?” 

He shook his head mutely, swallowing back tears and barely succeeding. “Nothing happened, sweetheart. It’s just been one long tour and I need a bit of a rest. No sweat, honey.” 

“Uh, huh.” Justin didn’t miss the tone of sarcasm in his daughter’s voice as she linked her arm through her father’s. “I don’t believe that for one moment. John said…” 

“John?” He groaned and shook his head. _When would Lodge learn to mind his own business,_ he thought with a sigh. 

“Anyway, before you so rudely interrupted me, I was saying that John told me you were ready to come apart at the seams. I can see he wasn’t exaggerating,” she added, a peeved tone to her voice. 

“I’ll be all right,” he muttered, wishing that the lump in his throat would just go away. _He felt like he’d been swallowing that lump for days now,_ he thought glumly. 

“Sure you will. Uh huh. When was the last time you ate? Huh?” 

He shrugged and she barked a laugh at him. “So, Daddy, want to tell me about it? If you can’t tell your own daughter, who can you tell?” 

Justin regarded those words in silence as they strolled alongside the hotel swimming pool, ignoring the quiet murmurs as they passed people who recognized him. Suddenly the weight of all that had happened became too much to bear. He took a shuddering breath as he hurried Doremi along into the hotel and into the elevator, his insides drawing up tightly with restraint. The second they hit the suite the tears began to flow and he gasped with the force of the emotions as they slammed into him, sinking onto the sofa and dimly feeling Doremi come down next to him. He felt her arms slide around him and he leaned into her, feeling words tumble out between sobs, but also feeling the beginnings of something else happen to him. 

That something else was healing. 

* * *

She sat on the edge of the dock in silence, staring out over the lake as the sun rose up over it. Somewhere in the background she heard the cheerful sound of birds greeting the new day. _Suppose she ought to join in?_ Jillian barked a short laugh and hugged her knees to her chest. Justin’s voice rose within her as he sang “Tuesday Afternoon” and she couldn’t resist joining in, tears streaming down her cheeks. 

She’d come home to escape, to rest from the road. _Escape. Wasn’t that a joke?_ she thought bitterly. She would never be able to escape Justin Hayward, even if he was a thousand miles away from her. The tour had ended the previous night and soon the band would fly back out to England. Maybe then she could put everything behind her and start over again. 

The worst thing had been unpacking and finding that white satin teddy Justin had given her. Her first inclination had been to throw it into the trash bin and she had nearly given into that impulse, going so far as to stand over the bin, teddy in hand. She couldn’t though, she realized, instead tucking it away safely in her drawer with her undergarments, making it a point to insert a lavender sachet in with it. No matter what had happened, she had the garment as part of a beautiful memory. 

Slowly she rose to her feet then froze at the sight of the woman standing at the end of the dock. Jillian took in the blonde hair, the vivid blue of her eyes as the younger woman gazed at her quietly. If Jillian hadn’t known better, she would have sworn it was Justin at a much younger age. 

“Can I do something for you?” Jillian asked softly as the woman approached her hesitantly. _My God, she did look like Justin,_ she thought as she got a closer look at her. The woman was in her late teens or early twenties, from the looks of her. She was also very attractive, in her own soulful way. 

“I suppose you can.” The woman’s British accent washed over her. “I’m Doremi Hayward.” Jillian’s eyes widened as she added, “I’m his daughter.”


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

“Oh, my.” Jillian immediately grew flustered, thinking of her mussed hair, no make-up, worn leggings and faded tee shirt. _Whatever did the other woman think of her?_ she thought frantically, reaching up to smooth her hair. Doremi grinned at her efforts and reached up to lay a hand on Jillian’s shoulder. 

“Don’t get a bee in your bonnet over it,” she teased softly, her smile widening. “I think you look perfectly fine, especially at the hour that it is. Come, I think we need to talk.” She extended her elbow to Jillian, who hesitated only briefly before linking her arm through the younger woman’s. 

They strolled in silence for a long time, Jillian feeling some of her heartache ease in the steady presence of the girl. Justin had never mentioned having a daughter, she thought, stealing a glance at the willowy young woman who was walking so calmly next to her. _Was that the problem? Was he already married?_ Her heart slammed in her chest at the idea. 

“How did you find me?” she finally asked. Doremi looked up at her and shrugged. 

“John told me. Said you’d left to get away for a bit and told me where you lived. No big deal.” 

“How’s…” Jillian let her voice trail off and blushed furiously as Doremi looked up at her and smiled. 

“How’s Dad? That is what you were going to ask, right?” When Jillian nodded she continued, “Dad’s… oh, bloody hell, Dad’s a walking time bomb. I thought I’d seen it all, Jill, but I guess I was wrong.” The girl let out a huge sigh. “Jill, he looks as though he hasn’t slept in days. He’s on the edge.” She whirled to face Jillian, her eyes snapping cobalt fire. “Why did you leave him like that? Why?” Jillian’s eyes widened as the younger woman added, “He loves you, Jill. I know he does. I can see it in him.” 

“Doremi…” Jillian swallowed the lump back in her throat before continuing, “it might have been nice if he’d even shown me that he loved me. He never did. In fact, I started to wonder if he hated me.” 

Doremi barked a laugh. “No, he doesn’t hate you, Jill. He’s been in agony since the day you left the tour. When John called me I took the next flight out to the States and found…” She shook her head. “I’m glad the tour is on hiatus. I think a good long rest in Surrey or Nice will be just the ticket for him.” 

“So, he’s going back to Europe?” Jillian felt her heart sink as the girl nodded. “Probably just as well.” _Justin was leaving the States. Leaving her for good._ She blinked hard to prevent tears from flowing, then added, “Care to come inside for a cup of coffee?” 

“Sure.” Doremi linked her arm through Jillian’s again as they made their way to her lakeside cottage. 

* * *

Doremi had brought her carry-on bag with her and with it a slinky bathing suit that made Jillian wonder if Justin had been around when she’d purchased it. _Doubtful,_ she decided as she put on her suit and walked out to the lakeside with the girl, both of them having decided that sunbathing might be a nice way to relax and chat. _The mid-morning sun of August would be plenty enough to tan,_ she thought as she rubbed some sunscreen onto her fair skin and stretched out on the blanket next to Doremi. 

_Nice young lady,_ she decided as they casually chatted. _Steady, very intelligent. She could enjoy being a stepmother to this one,_ Jillian thought, immediately flushing at the idea. Still unspoken was the question of Doremi’s mother. Jillian couldn’t stand the thought that Justin might still be married. The fear of finding out that he might be gnawed at her. 

She turned to her stomach and stretched into the sun, feeling herself become drowsy and relaxed. Doremi turned with her, reaching for the boom box they’d brought with them and switching to the radio as the tape ended. Immediately “Nights In White Satin” came on and Jillian groaned, getting a laugh from Doremi. 

“Well, you know what Dad’s fans say when you hear their music on the radio,” she said softly. 

“Yeah, I know what they say,” Jill grumbled, forcing herself to not switch the radio off as Justin sang, “and I love you… oh, God, how I love you…” 

“They call it Moody Magic.” 

Jill muttered out a mild obscenity as to what Moody Magic could do with itself and Doremi laughed again then closed her eyes to listen to the waves lap at the edge of the lake. _Wonderful woman,_ she thought, listening to Jill’s breathing become light and regular as she dozed off. Doremi sighed, thinking of her father, probably already halfway to Europe by then. _He wasn’t going to be too thrilled when he learned she had stayed behind,_ she thought, grinning. Well, that was what he got for being on the road so much-a very independent daughter who did whatever she damned well pleased. 

A rustle in the grass made her look up and she froze, astonishment written all over her face. _Dad!_ As she opened her mouth to speak he shook his head, bringing his finger to his lips to shush her. Slowly she got up to meet his gaze, taking in how utterly exhausted he looked. Silently he reached for his wallet and pulled out a few bills, then shoved them at her, indicating with a terse jerk of his head for her to leave the two of them alone. She looked down at the money then grinned. _Heck, if she couldn’t find a way to fritter away that much in the next few hours, she’d just hang it up._

Silently she leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek, feeling his arms wind tightly around her. “I love you, Daddy,” she whispered, as his grip tightened on her. 

“I love you, too, Doremi,” was his hushed reply in her ear. “Get lost for a couple of hours or so. Okay?” 

Silently she padded up the sidewalk, leaving Justin to contemplate the sleeping woman stretched out on the blanket at his feet. His eyes fell on the suntan lotion and he grinned, lowering himself to sit next to her. _Damn, but she was beautiful,_ he thought, his hands suddenly starting to tremble as he reached for the lotion and poured a small amount into his palm. He hesitated for one brief moment, then laid his hands on her shoulders and began smoothing the lotion over her soft skin. 

Jillian’s eyes flew open and she gasped at the feel of those long, supple fingers gliding over her. _Justin! Had to be. No other man had a touch that affected her the way his did._

“Justin?” 

“Yeah, darlin’.” 

A million thoughts raced through her head, making her heart pound. _He’d found her,_ she thought, shuddering when he applied a dollop of lotion to the center of her back and began sliding it over her skin. _He hadn’t left for Europe at all._ Slowly she turned her head, half rising so she could meet his gaze. What she saw made a soft cry escape her lips and she started to rise, only to have him gently push her back onto the blanket and reach for the bottle again. 

_He looked so haunted,_ she thought, blinking back tears. Dark circles under his eyes, pallor in his cheeks, unshaven, and unless she was mistaken, he’d dropped a little weight, as though he even had it to spare. She began to weep as he continued to caress her with aching tenderness, as though he was trying to imprint the feel of her skin into his memory. 

“Love, please don’t cry,” he murmured, bending to drop a soft kiss on the back of her neck. “I can’t stand to see you cry, sweetheart.” 

“I-I can’t help it,” she wept, turning beneath his hands so that their eyes could meet. “Doremi said you were a wreck, but I never dreamed…” 

“Doremi needs to mind her own business,” he said pleasantly, offering her a wry grin as he reached up to brush the tears from her cheeks before reaching for the suntan lotion again. “Lie back, love. I was having fun, you know.” 

Her eyes widened as his hands began gliding over her again, dipping into her cleavage, teasing at the rise of her breasts. She moaned softly, watching his expression darken with desire as he continued to caress her. He poured some lotion onto her upper thighs and began stroking it into her, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as she whimpered, her gaze locking with his while he drew nearer to the juncture of her thighs. His fingers slipped beneath her bathing suit and she cried out as he teased at her. 

“Justin!” 

He came down next to her, his mouth covering hers as he slipped in between her delicate folds with his fingertips. She wound her arms tightly around him, clinging to him as he stroked at her feverishly, his tongue probing her mouth with deft movements that took her breath away. He slid one finger into her and she broke free of his mouth, gasping out his name. 

“Feel so good to me,” he muttered against her lips, punctuating his words with hot swipes of his tongue. “So good. Come, darlin’. Come for me. Like that,” he added roughly as she arched up against him, burrowing her nails into his shoulders. “Just like that… oh, yeah.” He cradled her to him as she shook with it, her eyes pleading with him as she tumbled into bliss. 

As she lay trembling he rose to his feet, then bent over to sweep her into his arms, his mouth descending onto hers as he carried her up the sidewalk to the cottage. She clung to those broad shoulders and surrendered to him, her heart racing. _Had to be a dream,_ she thought dazedly. _Had to be, to have him back again._

Jillian sighed as the coolness of the sheets hit her spine, trembling as he reached for the straps of her bathing suit and tugged them down, his eyes burning into hers. In a heartbeat’s time she was completely nude, her eyes shining up at him as he worked the buttons nervously on his shirt, finally freeing himself of it. He had lost weight, she thought. Well, give her a few days and she’d fatten him up. The thought made her smile, which got a raised brow from him. 

“You’ve lost weight,” she said softly, “and I was thinking that give you a few days of my cooking and you’d get it all back.” 

He chuckled, his fingers going to his zipper. “I didn’t feel much like eating,” he admitted, watching her smile fade a notch and her eyes fill with tears. “Oh, God, love, please don’t do that. All I want to do is make you smile. And moan, just a bit.” He hitched his thumbs into his jeans and hauled them down his legs, kicking them and his briefs off before lowering himself next to her. He rose above her, his hand going to her cheek, caressing her gently. 

“So much I want to say to you,” he said huskily, “so much I want to do with you, and I thought by coming here and being with you during our time off that we would have time to do and say everything we want. Everything we want, Jill. Everything.” His mouth brushed over hers and she moaned, then sighed when he settled his lips across hers for a long, eating kiss that left her shaken inside. 

“The first thing I want to say is that I love you,” he said, his voice trembling slightly. As her eyes widened, then grew watery he added, “I never thought I would ever say those words again, Jill. Never. My…” He let his voice trail off for a second before continuing, “My wife was killed a few years ago in an auto accident. A drunk driver crossed the line and slammed into her car. They said she never knew what hit her.” 

“Oh, no.” Now the tears were flowing freely down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry.” She began caressing his face, his hair, sighing when he dropped a hot kiss in the center of her palm. 

“We loved each other, Jill, and when she died I thought a part of me died with her. I vowed no woman could ever take her place. Ever.” He let out a shuddering sigh. “And then you came into my life and gave that vow a lie. I tried to pretend I didn’t love you, didn’t want you. Tried, Jill. Can’t deny you any longer, though. What I feel is so strong and so real that denying it has been tearing me apart. I hope that... I hope that you still love me, just like you said you did. Jillian, I need your love. I need you.” 

“Oh, Justin, can’t you tell?” She wiped hurriedly at her eyes then smiled at him. “I love you. With everything inside of me, I love you.” 

A smile broke out on his face, then laughter came from him as he wound his arms tightly around her, nestling his head against hers for a long sweet moment. He felt her lips caress his neck, her tongue flicking across his throat as her hands began to play along him. Her thighs lifted around his and her hands coaxed him to slide into her. 

Their dance was sweetly tender as the mid-morning sun streamed in over them through lace curtains. Soft sighs, whispered endearments, hands gliding over bare skin as they slowly brought each other to fulfillment. As her time neared he slowed his movements, wanting to make it as long and sweet for her as he could, delighting in the feel of her hands on his behind, in the way she arched up into him. He caught her cries with his mouth, feeling her tremble beneath him with the force of her climax. 

As she came to earth she gazed up at him, taking in the way that his breathing grew irregular, the way that his eyes were half-shut as he moved against her. She whispered her love for him and he moaned out an answer, a husky cry escaping him as he found release in her honeyed warmth. 

He rolled to his back, taking her with him and cradling her in his arms, enjoying the way she clung to him as their bodies calmed. _Well, he’d be damned if he ever let her go again,_ he thought, remembering the contents of his jeans pocket. _He grinned. As soon as he caught his breath she was going to find out just how much he wanted them to be together,_ he thought as he snuggled his head against hers. 

* * *

Doremi Hayward cautiously opened the front door of the cottage, then stepped inside, not quite sure what it was she was going to find when she got there. _Well, for all she knew Dad and Jillian were shagging on the kitchen table,_ she thought with a mischievous grin. Still, she couldn’t shop forever and she at least needed to see that all was well with them before she took a cab to town and caught the next flight out to New York City, where hopefully she’d be able to hop a flight to London. 

Dead silence was all she heard. She frowned then shrugged as she dropped her packages in the living room and began making her way down the hallway to the bathroom. She passed the open bedroom door and froze, her eyes filling with tears at the sight that greeted her. 

The two were curled up tightly together, sheets drawn over them as they slept. One strap of a white satin teddy had slipped from Jill’s shoulder as she lay with her head snuggled on Justin’s chest, his face buried into her hair, arms holding her in a fierce, protective embrace. But the thing that drew Doremi’s eye was Jill’s left hand as it lay on Justin’s chest, and the solitaire diamond ring that she was now wearing. 

Hesitantly she stepped into the bedroom and reached for the comforter at the foot of the bed, drawing it over the two of them before backing out of the room, pausing to give them both one last tender look. 

“I love you both,” she whispered before shutting the door behind her and leaving them together in love.


	7. Epilogue

Epilogue: late Autumn 1993

He stood next to his best friend at the front of the church sanctuary, trying not to grin when Justin took in a deep breath and fidgeted with the hem of his tuxedo jacket. If he could he’d reach out and give his friend a reassuring pat on the shoulder, John thought, biting the inside of his mouth to keep from grinning. Hard to believe that a man who had performed live on the stage for twenty-six years could be nervous at his own wedding. 

He stole another glance sideways, taking in Jillian and her steady calm presence. A second look told him that she wasn’t quite as calm as she had appeared to be. She had an arm linked through Justin’s and if her grip was any tighter his friend would never be able to play guitar again. 

Well, he knew one thing for sure. If was his own wedding he’d be too happy to be nervous. In fact, they’d have to restrain him from dancing with joy. His smile became wry at the thought. At the rate life was sliding past him he would never see that day. It was starting to look as though the one time that had ended in disaster was going to be the only chance he would ever have. 

Vaguely he heard the minister introduce the singer and he steeled himself for what would probably be the most amateurish performance he’d heard in a long time. Wedding were always like that, with relatives and friends with a lot of enthusiasm and the lack of talent to match getting their time in the spotlight, if only for a few moments. 

The sweet tones that washed over him made him swing his head up, a faint gasp escaping him. _My God,_ he thought as he stared at the woman behind the microphone, taking in the wistful way she gazed out at the guests, her expression faintly sad as she sang. _Somewhere in her early forties, with long, dark hair that tumbled past her shoulders, and the most expressive blue eyes he had ever seen,_ he decided, feeling himself tremble inside as he continued to gaze at her, transfixed. _Looked great in blue lace, too,_ he thought, letting his gaze flicker down to the soft flowing blue dress layered in lace. 

His breath left him as her gaze fell on him, those china blue eyes delving into his. He returned the look and slanted a grin at her, wondering vaguely if she would respond the way as the women on his side of the stage did when he gave them that same smile. She merely lifted a brow in return and continued to sing, not missing a beat. _So much for THAT idea,_ he thought ruefully, feeling his smile widen in spite of himself. 

She finished and immediately he felt himself start to panic inside as she left the podium and returned to the pews. _Who was she?_ he thought, wishing he could turn around and keep an eye on her. _No. He had to be there for Justin and Jillian, not some knockout skirt who had caught his eye._

As the couple exchanged vows John shut his eyes, suddenly wishing he was anywhere but where he was. _Too painful,_ he thought. _He was happy for them, but to have to listen to… no. He was going to get a grip on himself. Time to face reality and get on with life._

When the ceremony ended the wedding party turned to face the guests. _Only one guest he was interested in,_ John thought as he hastily skimmed the crowd. Where was she? he thought, feeling himself start to shake with anticipation. He was going to find her then offer to escort her to the reception. _Yeah, that would do it,_ he decided, his heart racing at the thought. From there he could ask her to a late dinner, or perhaps she’d love a long walk in the cool of the twilight. 

A flicker of blue lace caught his eye and he looked up just in time to see her at the rear of the church and heading out the double doors, a teenaged boy right behind her as they left. _No!_ He started forward, and then caught himself, getting a peculiar look from Justin as he did so. _How to explain?_ John thought wryly. _Why bother?_

After all, there was no such thing as love at first sight.


End file.
